A year ago today, I wrote this post. Today Shane and I went to Trinity and I didn’t realize what day it was until I looked at the bulletin. I cried through communion. I cried on the way home. I am crying as I write this. Nine years of trying to follow Jesus and this is where I find myself. Away from the church that I love because of a mistake that I made.
I know that God isn’t confined to a building or to the people who attend my church. There are many wonderful people at Trinity and they seem like very kind people. I think Todd has greeted us personally every time we’ve visited. But they aren’t my family. I miss the Dwelling Place and I wish I could have been with them last night to celebrate my 9 years as a Christian. But I made choices and those choices led me here.
May the next 9 years be better than the ones previous. May they be more honest, more authentic, more full of love. May I be open to the Holy Spirit and His proddings. May I become more aware of the pain around me and more capable of healing it. May I cause less damage than I help. May I learn from my mistakes and continue to grow. May I become less so that Christ can become more. May I love those who hurt me. May I forgive those who would do me harm. May I see blessing in my suffering. May I become more and more like my Papa, in the way of Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you to everyone who has walked with me on this journey. I know I have wandered from the path at times. Thank you for helping pull me back. Thank you for teaching me to love. Thank you for loving me despite my failings.
Blessings and courage, strength and honor,
Lauren
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Monday, June 29, 2009 at 5:42 PM
Crystal
Hm. So my first reaction was “Why the hell do YOU have to leave?”
And of course I still think that to some degree. However.
I know you love TDP. And there’s a lot to love about TDP. But with everything, perhaps a change of scenery would help a lot. There are wonderful people at TDP, but obviously something had been missing in your life for some time and nobody there noticed, and nobody there made you feel like you could be real about that. I’m not saying that against them or that it was their failing… it may not have had anything to DO with them… but sometimes, and take it from me, striking out on your own (even with Shane in tow) shows you a lot more about yourself than anything else could, especially staying in your comfort zone. And new people can show you new things. And you’ll learn how to be real.
So I will wish this for you, because you’re busy taking responsibility (which is fine) and won’t say it for yourself: May you make friends who will not use you, may you meet people who will not judge you, may you find the glorious being that is yourself and learn to love that person unconditionally… may you be brought to more new ideas and new paradigms even than you have been up to now, and may you find love, peace, hope, patience, perserverance, graciousness, gratitude, appreciation, and pure love and adoration. May your heart be filled in the coming year.
Monday, June 29, 2009 at 6:17 PM
littlecornerofmyworld16
Thank you, Crystal. That was very sweet.
Monday, June 29, 2009 at 6:18 PM
Crystal
You’re very welcome!
Friday, July 17, 2009 at 11:06 AM
greekphysique
I’m late to this post (was on vacation), but wanted to say congratulations! Things may not be where you want them to be at the moment, but you at least are still alive in Christ. And when there is still effort and striving, there is much hope.