You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August 2005.

This is great!

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined.
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish:
What’s a light bulb?

Advertisements

Anybody got $7000 they want to give me? Actually, probably more than that. I have to pay for the repairs on my car, IWU sent me a bill for 6000 something dollars and I have to get my wisdom teeth out. Soon. It’s causing horrendous pain. And we know that’s going to cost a pretty penny. I keep thinking I should go back to school so I can hold off the debtors. But then I think, “Why? So I can rack up an even bigger bill? No thanks!” Money sucks.

Why, oh why, did I ever set foot on Indiana Wesleyan’s campus? Or Liberty’s, for that matter! No, I’m glad I went to LU. I met people I wouldn’t have met and had valuable experiences I wouldn’t have had. IWU was a big mistake though. Yes, I’m admitting it. I made a mistake. What was I thinking? Going to a college that I can’t afford and won’t take half my credits? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Tonight my friend Kent asked me what my 5-year plan is. Since I don’t really have one, I told him about my ’25 Before 25′ list. (25 things I want to do before I’m 25.) Then he started asking how I was going about getting to this stuff and I suddenly felt like I was back in that conversation with my grandmother. I know Kent had no such intentions. He was merely making conversation. But in a world where having goals and plans to get to those goals is key, my “fly by the seat of my pants” method doesn’t seem to be widely accepted. Thus, I feel like I can’t do anything right.

Isn’t this the time in my life when I’m supposed to be a little flighty? Before I really get weighed down with responsibilities? I feel like I’m trying to make up for the youth that I lost 5 years ago. Like I’m acting irresponsible because that’s how teenagers act and since I wasn’t really allowed to be a teen, I’m doing it now. When everyone expects me to be responsible and mature. Bad timing, I guess.

Am I screwing up my life by not going to college? I don’t know. A lot of people seem to think so. Our society is so built on education. It almost doesn’t matter what your degree is in, as long as you have one. But then there are plenty of people with degrees who can’t find decent work. I don’t want to spend all that money (that I don’t have) on something that I might not use if I get married and have kids. But what if I don’t get married? Or what if my husband dies or leaves me? Then what? Do I trust Jesus to provide for me or would that be a “you need to do your part too” situation? And my “part” was going to college? Maybe I’ll just go shack up with a nice billionaire. I heard Bill Gates was looking for a new, younger wife……..nah!

….is me throwing you under a bus.

I do not understand boy-crazy girls. I never have and I never will. How can someone live and breathe for guys? I mean, seriously! What kind of existence is that? There’s so much more to life! I can understand wanting a boyfriend or wanting to be married. I’ve wanted those things too at different times in my life.

Sometimes I wish we still had arranged marriages. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about it. Sure, there’d still be people going against it or daydreaming but maybe it would cut down on the psychos who are obsessed with the opposite sex.

It might also cut down on girls being catty. Why is it that when a girl likes a guy, her friend decides to like him too? And if the guy happens to ask out the friend, no matter how much she knows the first girl likes/loves this guy, she goes out with him. (I’m not saying that’s bad, necessarily. But there are tactful ways to go about stuff.) Or when a girl finally finds someone to date, she all but completely ditches her other friends? Suddenly the sun rises and sets with one guy. You may have had plans with that friend but if he calls, you are second fiddle. Or my personal favorite: The guy a girl likes says something nice or complimentary to or about a different girl and then it’s the first girl’s mission to make her look bad.

I really just can’t comprehend the way a lot of girls seem to throw their friends under a bus in order to get ahead in the dating game. If a guy truly likes you, it won’t matter what he says about other girls or who else is around. I certainly don’t think it should help your case if you suddenly act jealous and possessive and nasty because he said another girl looked nice.

Then again, this is coming from someone who has avoided the dating game completely. Maybe I would think differently if I actually found a guy who was interested in me and I was interested back (and I knew I could trust him). But, since I don’t see that happening any time soon, ya’ll will have to bear with me as I try to understand people. 🙂

In an effort to put myself in a better mood, I’m listing things that I can be thankful for right now.

1. I didn’t have to spend money on an outfit for this wedding. I was able to borrow a really cute dress from Jo. But I got exercise from walking all over the mall in search of something to wear as a bonus!

2. My car is fixed. ($600 that I don’t have but at least I don’t have to worry about being squashed on the interstate now.)

3. Hannah and I weren’t in FL when the hurricanes hit.

4. Hannah and I are going to FL.

5. I get to see some of my friends from school that I haven’t seen in a year and a half.

6. Reegan’s been in a really good mood all day.

7. Issues that came up, before I left for SC, with two of my friends seem to be resolved and forgiveness has been given.

8. We sang 4 songs Sunday night that I’ve been singing since as a reminder to myself. Why Do I Worry? (or whatever Josh calls it), He is Able, Come Lord Jesus, and Jesus, Name Above All Names. Each song says something that I need to remind myself of constantly.

9. I only have an hour and a half of work left.

10. The migraine I had last night is gone.

11. I have two more jobs that I start when I get home. (Both working with kids. If I do go back to school, it may have to be something involving children.)

12. I have friends who love me even when I don’t know how to accept their love or show it back.

How’s this for irony? The “romance cynic” has 6 friends who are engaged, two who just got married and another who is getting married this Saturday. Since when does my life revolve around weddings?! Last year I had Emily and Darrin’s, Lisa and Brandon’s and Jo and Kev’s. That was it. Luckily, not all of the weddings are this year.

I suppose I’m in that stage of life when a lot of my friends are getting married and buying houses and having babies. But I have a feeling I may have to work at not getting cynical, esp. this weekend. Hopefully Hannah won’t let me be. I wouldn’t want to travel with me when I’m like that.

*sigh* Pray that I’ll be able to be loving and supportive and encouraging. I’m usually pretty good at putting my emotions away until later. Hopefully that will be the case this weekend.

My family reunion was fun but there were a couple of times I felt attacked. All because I’m not going to school right now. To understand my family, you have to know one fact. To them, education is god. If you don’t have a good education, you don’t have anything. One conversation I had with my grandmother particularly annoyed me.
Grandma: So, when are you planning on returning to school?
Me: I don’t know.
Grandma: When will you know?
Me: I don’t know. I am thinking about getting my CNA.
Grandma: What’s that?
Me: I’d be a nursing assistant.
Grandma: How hard have you been looking into it?
At that I wanted to say, “None of your damn business!” But I didn’t. I was respectful. There are times when I love my family and then there are times when they make me want to throw things. To them, I’m a disappointment. I’ve made a decision that they don’t agree with and instead of letting me know their thoughts and then moving on, they keep harping on it. My grandmother’s “disapproving look” is scary. And I got it quite a bit this week.

They see me as a child. Because I’m not in school, I don’t have a “real” job and I’m not married, that automatically makes me immature. But my cousin, who is 2 years older than me, going to school and has a “real” job is considered “mature”. I even felt like the 12-year-old was “more mature” than me because she has a boyfriend.

These people also have the memories of elephants. If you did something when you were 2-years-old, they’re going to remind you of it. Not a good thing for someone who has done more than her share of stupid things. They also talk about the stupid things behind your back. I can only imagine what conversations took place when I wasn’t around.

I think that they still love me. I don’t think that their love is so conditional that my withdrawing from school would break it. But it didn’t seem like it. I feel like if I continue down this road of not going to school, that I will never hear the end of it. That they will eventually give up and decide I’m worthless. Maybe they’d be right. I’m still on the “bad list” after all.

A friend of mine recently told me that there was almost nothing I could do that would make him be disappointed in me. I’m still having a hard time swallowing that one. I know that he means it. But my heart isn’t trained to respond to that well. My sardonic and cynical side immediately rise up and say, “Yeah right. Wait until you do something really dumb. Then see what he says.” When you’ve lived 20 years with people who expect perfection and when it’s not given, they attack, it’s hard to believe that someone could actually love the imperfection. And yeah, I know that Jesus does. But that’s an aspect of Him that I still fail to comprehend.

Right now I really want to go back into my little shell. It was easier there. Life didn’t hurt so much. Being in Teknon and now Shane’s church and hanging out with the group of people I do, I’ve gotten used to being loved and accepted, on some levels. That’s not to say I don’t have my moments of thinking, “We’ll see how long this lasts!” Part of me will probably always expect to be attacked or used and abused. But that part of me was getting smaller. What I experienced this past week was the complete opposite of that. It reminded me why I hid in my shell for so long. It’s easier to be suspicious. It’s easier to be cold. It’s easier not to love or accept love. Maybe that makes me a bad Christian. But that would just be one more failure to add to my list. And I know that pulling away is bad. But it’s what I want to do. I want to go hide. I don’t want to open my heart. I’m confused and sad and when I get like that, my tendancy is to run. So if it feels like I’m pulling away, it’s probably because I am.

Memories from the Chicago/Earth, Wind and Fire concert (Yeah, this post is for about two people. Oh well. 🙂

*”It wasn’t a she? It was a he? I couldn’t see!” “Ok, Dr. Suess!”

*B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!!!!!

*”Where are my frappin’ pain killers?!”

*”Where are we?” “Well, there’s too many houses for us to be in Sheridan….”

*”Where are we?” “I don’t know.” “Ok, just thought I’d ask.”

*”We’re going to die.” ~stop by cemetary~ “How appropriate.”

*Don’t blink! You’ll miss Straw Town!

*”Something bit me!”

*”Stop it! Stop throwing fries!”

*$11 drinks

*They didn’t play ‘Inspiration’. Nicole, Joshua and David (who wasn’t even there!) were upset.

*”Oh great, we’re never gonna find the car!” “Uh, you mean that car?”

All in all, we had a good time. I’d never heard EW&F before and now I have a new band to listen to! And the traffic getting out was no where near as bad as May Day, so that made everyone happy. 😀

(For those of you who I know will comment on Chicago sucking, keep in mind that I do not care what your opinions of my music tastes are. 🙂

So most of us “church people” have heard the story of Jesus calming the stormy sea. We all heard it in Sunday school and we probably even had the little flannelgraph with a picture of the ocean and felt pieces that look like a boat and Jesus and the disciples. But, like many other childhood stories, the reality of just how awesome Jesus’ display of power was didn’t hit me until I experienced something outside of the church.
We played in the waves twice while we were in Edisto this week. Both times we never went further out than we could touch. The water really didn’t get much higher than my chest. But we got our butts kicked by those waves. My dad almost got thrown completely out of the water at one point. A few times I would get knocked down and get up just to get knocked down again. By water! The stuff we drink and shower in! It’s beautiful and powerful.
As I was being tossed around in the ocean, a thought occured to me. Jesus calmed the sea with His voice. I mean, the waves we were facing were just normal, everyday waves. Jesus was in the middle of a storm! And a simple command spoken by Him was enough to calm the sea. “Be still!” was all it took.
I can see why the disciples were a little nervous when the storm hit. I was a little nervous being in the water on a calm day. (Thoughts of sharks and jellyfish and undertows and all that came to mind every now and then.) But all Jesus had to do was speak and the winds and the waves obeyed Him. How cool is that? 🙂

He is able, more than able
to accomplish what concerns me today.
He is able, more than able
to handle anything that comes my way.
He is able, more than able
to do much more than I could ever dream.
He is able, more than able
to make me what He wants me to be.

I’m home from my first vacation! It was quite interesting. Our theme song the entire time was the theme from ‘Deliverance’. I’ve never seen the show or even really heard the song but we were all humming it often this week. It was a lot of fun though. Here’re some highlites.

*I got to see family members that I haven’t seen in three years.

*We played tennis, volleyball, badminton, cards and board games.

* I rode a bike for the first time in years! I’m thinking I need to buy another one.

*I had to stand in the Atlantic to get signal on my cell phone.

*The guys went to a driving range that pretty much prompted the ‘Deliverance’ joke.

*We went to Charleston for the day. That was probably the best part of the trip. We drove around for almost 30 minutes trying to get to the Starbucks. (One way streets aren’t helpful!)

*I threatened to kill Joshua with a toothpick when he started eating chips at 2:00 in the morning when we first arrived. 😀

*I slept in a closet. This is something of a tradition. Mom opened the door to make sure I was ok and I curled up in a ball and started going, “No wire hangers….”

*We went to the beach and played in the waves. I lost one of my favorite earrings, almost lost my bathingsuit and got cut on the ankle. It was a blast! 🙂 I took Mikayla out for a little bit and one of the waves knocked me off my feet. I had told her not to let go of me for anything so I’m clinging to her with one arm and trying to swim with the other. When we finally got our heads above water again, another wave hit and off we went again. Mikayla thought it was hysterical. I was just tired. 🙂

*The Sugar Shack lady prompted Uncle Kerry to tell us kids to “stay in school”.

*We played ‘Cranium’ one night. It was Kelly, Grandma, Kerry and me against Mom, Joshua, Karen and Larry. To sum it up, Larry answered twice for our team, Kelly didn’t know what a missionary was, Kerry had to act out Ava Gabore (Green Acres) and Joshua didn’t know how to draw a belly dancer.

*I bought a new watch for $10. (Which is good b/c I think Reegan was going to be the death of my other one.)

*My family stayed in a scary motel on the way home and had an interesting breakfast at Shoney’s.

So, yeah, that’s obviously not the most complete picture but I doubt any of you really care about the particulars of the trip. I usually skim stuff like that anyway. 🙂 But those are the highlites! Now tell me what’s been going on while I was gone!