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You Are Rogue

You’re reluctantly special. In fact, you long to be normal.
You consider your powers to be a curse, and something you can’t control.

Powers: absorbing other people’s memories and abilities, weakening and killing people with your touch

Thanks a lot Gregor! 🙂

So that thread that I posted about the porn protest? Yeah, it’s turned into a knock-down, drag-out fight between the members of the message board I frequent and the blog owner and one of his friends. Only he’s decided to mainly come after me for some reason. *smirks* Probably because of my age.

It’s Liz: The Sequel. At least he isn’t randomly bringing Michael Moore into it. *eye roll*

As Crystal said, I ain’t claiming this fool.

I may be a Buffy/Angel geek but at least I don’t believe I’m a vampire.

*GROAN*

So, tonight Sheryl, Crystal and I went swing dancing again. A ton of people that we knew were there. Don and Cheryl Bartemus were there again, with Ron and Beverly Page. They were precious! (*wink wink*) I barely remembered anything from the last time so I got a crash course refresher right at the end of the lesson. Eee-gads. Luckily, I think I managed to only step on one person’s foot the whole night. (Sorry Ben!)

Notes to Crystal:

“I’ve been initiated!”
“Jazz hands!”
“I’ve got a little extra colonge….”
“Start walking!” “Just keep moving and keep your head low!”
Stupid drunk guys hitting on us.

I definitely wished my brother was there. He’s a good dancer and was able to teach me some fun moves last time. I danced with Chris once, Doug a few times, David once, Ben a few times. Then we got to the last song and I was just standing to the side watching. There were a few couples that I could’ve just stood and watched and been perfectly happy. They were *good*! But then this guy comes over and asks me to dance. I figured it’s a “It’s the last dance, she’s the closest available girl” type thing. So we’re dancing and chatting. Then the song ends and I’m thinking that’s that when he sits and motions for me to sit too. This was my first clue that this might be more than a dance. The band did an encore and we danced to that and then we sit and talk some more. Finally he gets around to asking if I want to grab something to eat in the little diner that’s connected. I said sure. He was a nice enough guy and to be honest, I was a little curious to see where this was going. (Though my suspicions ended up being right.) So it’s me, him and his younger brother who was a sweetie and we’re all just sitting and talking. But the whole time I’m thinking, “Yeah, this ain’t going far.” He dropped the f-bomb a couple of times, which doesn’t bother me really but it was in casual conversation where I was kinda like, “Okay and the reason for that was?” Then he starts telling this story about seeing two girls get into a cat fight and the one girl ripping the other’s shirt off. *eye roll*

Luckily we weren’t there for too long. We’re getting ready to leave and he asks for my number. I try to duck it by cracking jokes about how I don’t believe in phones and all this. Unfortunately, he was a persistent little bugger. So I ended up giving him my cell phone number. I know! Whatever was wrong with me the night of the Steak n’ Shake Stalker was apparently going wonky tonight too. But I didn’t get the creepy stalker vibe *and* he’s the type that’ll forget about me the next cute girl that comes walking by. He did walk me to my car, so that earned him a couple of points. On the whole, this night was a reminder of why I don’t date.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=18289974&blogID=123092096&indicate=1

This is exactly what I mean when I say I have a hard time loving other Christians.

Before Crystal beats me up for picking on cantata so much…… 😉

He Will Carry Me

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

chorus:
And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

chorus

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

chorus

How Great Is Our God

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end

The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God (x2)

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God (x3)

Majesty (Here I Am)

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I’m a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I’ve found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I’m your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I’ve found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

You Are God Alone

You are not a god
Created by human hands
You are not a god
Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god
In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, thats just the way it is

Chorus:
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You’re the only God
Whose power none can contend
Youre the only God
Whose name and praise will never end
Youre the only God
Whos worthy of everything we can give
You are God
And thats just the way it is

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
Unchangeable
Unshakable
Unstoppable
Thats what You are

I miss choir. I do. It was all I could do not to run up to Eric and beg to rejoin. The songs they sang were wonderful. However, I’m starting to notice a trend with these songs. They’re all “yeah, I’m getting my butt kicked but isn’t Jesus great?” I don’t know about you but I don’t know many people who truly have that attitude when they’re going through a trial. Maybe I’m just a bad Christian. 😉

So I left CPC, singing and in a fairly good mood. Then I got to the Dwelling Place and reality hit. Life isn’t shiny and happy. Christianity doesn’t make everything better. To be honest, knowing that Jesus is there doesn’t make everything better most of the time. Most of the time, it makes it harder. Because then you’re left with the “whys”. Why the hell did You let this happen?

It doesn’t matter how many Bible verses or sayings you throw at these things. After awhile, it just gets old. You can only hear “God works for good with those who love him” so many times before you want to scream “If He’s working for good, why didn’t He stop it in the first place?” Why is it that the words of the following song can seem so true one minute and so cliche the next?

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

chorus:
And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

chorus

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

chorus

Does He really carry us? Because it sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes. Sometimes I think that I’m just stumbling around in the dark, grasping. I told Jenn today, I’m so sick of seeing my girl friends hurt like this. It makes me sad and angry. Where are the champions? Where are the men who don’t use and abuse? Why aren’t there more of them?

I don’t know about you but my Christianity isn’t happy and shiny. Is it all pain and sorrow? No. But anyone who tells you that life will be easier once you’re a Christian is full of crap. Jesus said His yoke is easy but He also said pick up your cross. Right now, my cross is simply covered in questions.

So I went to cantata. Twice. It was soooo good. But there was one thing that bugged me. During one of the testimonies, this couple was talking about how their family had been saved from a fire and at the end, the wife said something along the lines of, “This is just another example of God taking care of those He loves.”

Okay.

I know, I know. It’s just one of those things that we’ve been taught and it sounds all good and Christiany and she didn’t mean it the way my mind processed it. However, my first thought when she said it was “As opposed to all the people He doesn’t love?” I know why we as Christians say it. Because it makes us feel safe and like God is watching over us and is going to protect us. But what must that sound like to the person that God didn’t “protect”? What does that sound like to the person who *did* lose a child to a fire? What does that sound like to the person who’s wife left them and now feels as though their life has been blown to crap? What does that sound like to the person who was sexually abused or raped or who’s husband beat them? It sounds like God doesn’t love them. “Well, He didn’t protect me in that situation and He let this and this happen, so He must not love me. Or just not as much as He loves this person over here.”

It also makes it sound like God is playing favorites or that there are people in the world that He doesn’t love. Whether we like it or not, we are *all* created in His image. It’s just that some of us choose to ackowledge that fact. It’s like a parent who has a bunch of kids and some of them want nothing to do with their parent. Does that mean the parent loves them any less than the other kids? Or doesn’t love them at all? No.

As Christians, we really have to be careful with what we say. Because things that sound good to us and make sense to us don’t always make sense to those who haven’t been in church. All of the people who’ve been in church awhile knew what that lady meant. But if there had been someone there who had lost a child in a fire and didn’t have the church lingo down (or is like me and thinks too much), that could have been very damaging to their spiritual journey.

I personally am trying to work on getting Christian-ese out of my vocabulary. It’s not easy but the last thing I want is to hurt someone by using some cliche “in-group” phrase.

Stupid hormones.

I hope.

Application has been sent. Now we just wait and see.