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This is going to be my last month with Reegan. 😦

Since I couldn’t do preschool this semester, Reegan and I have been pretty much homebound except for MOPS every other week. But even then, today she couldn’t go because of a doctor’s appointment and next time they meet is Valentine’s day and I have to be at school to sell roses for my dance team. Reegan LOVES MOPS and her mom said that she’s always soooooo excited when she gets to play with friends. So she’s going to enroll her in a little playschool thing Tuesday and Wednesday and then Linda wants her all day on Thursdays.

😦 😦 😦 😦

I suppose it’s probably for the best. I have school and I started a new job last week that definitely doesn’t allow for homework time. And it’s not like I’m being fired because I did something wrong. But it still makes me sad. As crazy as she can make me sometimes, I still love her so much. I’ve been with her since she was 5 months. That’s a long time. It’s weird when I don’t see her for a week. Now I don’t know when or if I’ll see her again. *sad*

But I still have a month with her. I’m going to make it the best month possible.

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Listen,
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But can’t complete

Listen,
To the sound from deep within
It’s only beginning
To find release

Oh,
the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won’t
Listen….

[Chorus]
Listen,
I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried
To say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I’m done believin’ you
You don’t know what I’m feelin’
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago

Ohh I’m free now and my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or turned
Into your own
All cause you won’t
Listen…

[Chorus]

I don’t know where I belong
But I’ll be movin’ on
If you don’t….
If you won’t….

Listen!
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete

Oh,
Now I’m done believin’ you
You don’t know what I’m feelin’
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find my own…..
my own

10. A man’s place is in the army.
9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.
8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.
7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.
6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.
5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.
4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.
3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.
2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, and maybe even lead the singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.
1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

From Emerging Women

Just call me Rahab. 😉

“Don’t get the impression that you arouse my anger. You see, one can only be angry with those he respects.”

How many of us uttered this as children? We were on the playground and someone had decided that we needed a new nickname. Or we needed to be teased about our clothes. Or our family’s car. Or our weight, our glasses, the friends we kept, the fact that we liked to read, etc. Our only defense was often that little rhyme. And we hoped that if we said it enough, we’d believe it too.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I still remember mean things kids said to me in gradeschool that have an effect on how I view myself. And it’s not always a conscious thing. More often than not it’s in the back of my head, hiding behind the corner. But it’s still there and it still has an effect.

George Eliot is quoted as saying, “What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?” Unfortunately, this isn’t usually the case. Instead of making life easier, instead of being encouraging and using our words to lift one another up, we use them to tear others down. Sometimes we don’t even realize it’s what we’re doing. Sometimes the people we’re doing it to don’t realize it either. At least not on a conscious level.

I’ve been reading a book called ‘Blink’ by Malcolm Gladwell. He gives the reader an example of a test given by psychologist John Bargh. In the test, Bargh gives the patient a list of five-word sets and asks the patient to make a grammatical four-word sentence out of each set as quickly as possible. Most people are able to do this fairly quickly, taking no more than a few seconds on each set. After they are done, the patient is free to go. But when they leave, they are walking more slowly then when they came in. Why? Because each set of words contained a word that we associate with being old. (Ex. “shoes give replace old the”, “sky the seamless gray is”, “us bingo sing play let”) With that test, the psychologist was able to effect how his patients acted. Bargh also conducted a test where two groups were given two different lists. One list contained words that made the patients act in an aggressive manner and the second contained words that made them act patiently.

As I read this, I thought about the fact that I haven’t felt the need to blog anything of substance in awhile. I’ve mostly been posting youtube clips and things like that. But what I realized, after reading about the test, was that any time I’ve thought about blogging recently, I have felt extremely tired and unmotivated. I’ve had some ideas to blog on but once I thought about the act of actually blogging, I lost any will to do it. I started wondering why that is. Blogging isn’t a difficult task for me. I have no problems sitting down at the computer and writing down my thoughts. Then I realized that it’s not the actual act of blogging that had me wearied. It was what was sure to follow.

I’m used to criticism. I’m used to people not agreeing with me and not liking what I have to say. It’s part of being a writer or having any opinion whatsoever. On a conscious level, it doesn’t really bother me. I have always said that if you don’t like my blog, you don’t have to read it. What I didn’t realize was the subconscious effect people’s comments were having on me. Words like “unintelligent”, “ignorant”, “unimportant” have been peppered through people’s comments and while on a conscious level, I would think, “That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it”, on a subconscious level the words were sinking in and effecting my behavior. Knowing the fights that were bound to ensue over something that people find unimportant exhausted me and made me unwilling to write anything. I didn’t want to put up with the snarking and the arguments and the pettiness. So while on one hand, my statement is still true and I don’t care what people think of what I have to say, on the other hand, my subconscious does. Or at any rate it tucks away what they think and takes it into consideration before I act.

Perhaps my subconscious was taking Plato into consideration instead. “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” 🙂

Whatever the case, now that I have realized the cause of my apathy toward blogging, I’m not going to let it bother me consciously or subconsciously. There will always be someone who doesn’t like what I say or do or think or believe. If I let them stop me, then I will never live my life the way I’m meant to. If my actions, thoughts and words are based on the approval of others, then my life is not my own. If you don’t like what I have to say, that’s just fine. Comment on it, blog about it, post it on a message board. It won’t stop me from writing anymore.

“Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” – Les Brown

Strangers and Exiles….living in the hope of things promised

You may be wondering why I linked to this blog. Yes, I’m “emergent”. Yes, he’s issuing a challenge to emergent folk. But why would I link to it? Because he called me out personally. Look at the list of Emergent bloggers starting in the L’s.

I am amused by this to no end. 😀

Sorry dude. You’re no William Wallace. If you don’t like Emergents, that’s fine. But it’s not really my problem.