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I’ve been thinking about something recently and I have a feeling it won’t let me rest until I blog it out.

For the first, oh, 2/3s of my upbringing in church, I was taught that we are not to question God too closely. Yes, Job did, but that was special circumstances and people had a much different relationship with God back then. In fact, since God was in His “wrathful phase”, Job is lucky he wasn’t…..ah….smote.

Then I finally started hearing “God is big enough to handle your questions. He can handle you anger, your fear, your doubts, your shortcomings, all of it. Our God is a big God.” I started thinking “Hey, that’s pretty cool.” I had always thought of God as (to use an illustration from Dogma) this cosmic parent figure who looks down on us and says (about whatever sin we’re about to commit) “Do it and I’ll f***ing spank you!” (Minus the f-bomb, because God doesn’t cuss.) Yes, He loved me but in a very conditional way. Suddenly I was free from this. God loves me even when I’m screaming at Him in anger or pain. There was room to doubt, to question. It was very freeing for me and a lot of people I know.

But I have seen some take this freedom much too far. (Which is why it scares the fundys and why they make God out to be this sleeping giant waiting for the tiny villagers to make too much noise.) Yes, God is a big God. He can handle our questions, doubts, anger, and fears. However…..He is still God. Yes, He loves us. Yes, He died for us. Yes, from what I can see, He wants us to have a freeing and sustaining relationship with Him. However…..He is still God. He is still the One Who created this universe. He is still the One Who holds it all together. Shane said something on Sunday about how if God stopped thinking about us or decided to erase us from existence, He could do it. All it would take is a thought and poof! We’d be gone.

The Bible tells us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. It tells us to fear and serve the Lord our God and to delight in it. It says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Not an “I’m afraid to move because He might decide to smite me” kind of fear. But showing Him the respect, honor, and adoration that Our Creator is due. Yes, some things that I read in the Bible don’t make sense. Why did God command them to kill homosexuals? Why did He tell them to wipe out the Cannanites, even the women and children? Why did He flood the earth? Is killing people better than bending their free will and changing their hearts? One day I hope that I get to know the answers to these questions. But the people who say that God has a lot to answer for worry me. To them I say “Who exactly are you?” Compared to God, you are nothing. Not even a speck. Compared to the One Who spoke everything you see into existence, you are not a scratch on the page. Come to Him with questions and all of your emotions. But do so remembering who you are and Who you are not. When your mere thoughts hold all of existence together, then get back to me.

* As always, I am not blogging at anyone in particular. I’ve read and heard different things over the years and it all decided to become a blog today.

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