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So last night Mikayla was watching this and I walked in during this. And she was all “Look, it’s like this” and I was all “No, actually it’s like this.”

Lord, somebody!

Watching: Why Did I Get Married?

Reading:  ‘Everybody Wants to Change the World’ by Tony Campolo (Oh yeah, btw Shane……. 😉 )

Thinking: Oy vey!

How to Annoy Me: Tell me that you’ll give me back my test on Monday…….oh, hopefully Wednesday……*

How to Charm Me: Give me a Starbucks gift card in addition to my payment for taking care of your dog.

Quote for the Day: The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions. – Claude Levi-Strauss

* We were supposed to get our tests back that we took last Monday. So he walks in and of course we pounce on him about the tests and he’s all “No, I don’t have them. Hopefully by Wednesday.” and I’m all “*Hopefully* I don’t cut you between now and then!”

An “online friend” posted this on his blog and it had me giggling. Here are my responses to the author’s 11 “secrets”.

#1. Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day – but it doesn’t mean we want to leave you.

Okay, aside from the lust part (the Bible says it is wrong to lust after a woman (or a man) with your eyes), I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. “Were you looking at her?” “Yes.” If she was that pretty, I probably was too. It doesn’t mean that your guy is a pig or that he wants to be with her. It means she’s pretty and he has eyes. *You* have to be the one confident enough to know that if he does go after her, he didn’t deserve you in the first place. (See #9 and #10 on my Girls vs. Women list and #12 on Jon’s Boys vs. Men list.) And guys, vice versa. If a girl leaves you for a “hotter” guy, she didn’t deserve you.

#2. We actually do play golf to get away from you.

Good! Go! You know why we have girls nights? To get away from you. You know why we go to Starbucks to read? To get away from you. It’s not that you don’t love us and we don’t love you, it’s that we’re human. I get sick of my best friends when I see them too much. (Love you all! 🙂 ) Breaks are good. Breaks are necessary. If I was dating, there would be days I wouldn’t want to see you, talk to you, or think about you. Because I have a life and I’d expect you to have one as well. Otherwise I feel smothered.
#3. We’re unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we’ve made one to you.

Uh…….yeah. One person for the rest of my life? That’s a tad unnerving. Promising to love, honor, and cherish til death do you part? Sounds tough to me. Commitment is hard and messy and I certainly understand not wanting to make one. The only time I will be mad at you is if you are dragging some poor girl (or, ladies, some poor guy) along and she wants a commitment and you aren’t giving her one. Let her move on if that’s the case.

#4. Earning money makes us feel important.

That’s fine. It makes us feel important too. Again, I won’t have a problem unless you are trying to lord it over me or tell me I can’t make/have money of my own. Balance, baby.

#5. Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house.

Then why be such a drama queen and complain about it? You get to do something you enjoy and I get to enjoy it being fixed. Everybody wins. I promise to say thank you every time.

#6. We like it when you mother us, but we’re terrified you’ll become your mother.

Hey, thought terrifies me too. I love my mother but I don’t want to be her. I also don’t want to marry someone like my father.

#7. Every year we love you more.

Now why keep that a secret? (Of course, that does remind me of a joke. “One day a husband told his wife that husbands are like wine and that they get better with age. The next day she locked him in the cellar.” :-D)

#8. We don’t really understand what you’re talking about.

That’s okay. When you’re going on and on about that football play or how this part of the car works or why fart jokes are still funny to you, I don’t understand either. That’s part of any relationship. Learning from one another and doing our best to understand each other. And quite often, it doesn’t matter if you understood or not. Sometimes we just need to vent or to work things out outloud.

#9. We are terrified when you drive.

Right back atcha, babe.

#10. We’ll always wish we were 25 again.

Since I’m not yet past 25, I don’t quite understand this yet. But the way I hear it, everyone wishes they were still 25. Perhaps with the wisdom they’ve gained over the years though. (I do wish my body was 16 again. Dance was so much easier back then.)

#11. Give us an inch and we’ll give you a lifetime.

“I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.

Why? Because she’d let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing — by ourselves — our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.”

Okay, I have heard of women who don’t give their guys any space but really? I’d be shoving him out the door. (See #2 on my Girls vs. Women list.) However, this is with the understanding that I get “me” time as well. If I let him go to Vegas with the guys, that means I get to go to the Bahamas with the girls. If he gets poker night, I get girls night out.

Those were just my thoughts as I read through the article. Take them for what they’re worth.

To keep me from quadruple-booking myself!!!!!!!!! Agh!

So I originally thought that I was supposed to be baby-sitting tonight. I just happened to call the lady to inquire as to what time she thought they’d be home and she’s all “It’s tomorrow night” and I’m all “Oh s***!” I had just gotten off the phone with another lady asking me to baby-sit tomorrow night and I was all “Yeah, perfect!” So I hung up and called the other lady back and explained the problem and she’s all “Well, we can go out later if you still want to come baby-sit.” “………..sure.”

So this is my day tomorrow:

8:00 AM – go let out and feed a dog

9:00 AM – go to school

12:00 PM – go back to take the dog to doggy daycare (Yeah. I know.)

1:00 PM – drive to the south side to let out a different dog

2:00 PM – book it back up here so I can get to Aunt Libby’s in time for Annie’s bridal shower. (I suck as a bridesmaid. I don’t know why people keep asking me. I couldn’t go to the first shower and I’m barely going to make this one.)

4:00 PM – drive back to south side to let out dog

5:30 PM – baby-sitting job #1

10:00 PM – baby-sitting job #2

Whatever un-Godly hour these people get home – drive back to south side and collapse on couch so that I don’t have to get up at 7:30 on Sunday to go let the dog out again

I had to employ my brother to go pick up the dog from doggy daycare because she has to be picked up at 6:30 and I will be saddled with a child at that point.

I’m no Wonder Woman.

Now that I have your attention (and all the people who were trying to google the Buffy episode), here are some conversations with living people.

Conversation #1:

Instructor: If you look people in the eye and acknowledge their presence, it shows that you are confident and not off in your own little world.

Classmate: But sometimes guys think that means you like them and then they try to ask you out.

Instructor: That’s not your problem. You were just being friendly.

Later that night, conversation #2:

Cashier: *hands me my stuff*

Me: *looks cashier in the eye, smiles* Have a good night.

Cashier: You too.

Me: *walks to the door*

Cashier: Oh, by the way…..

Me: *cringes and turns toward him, already knowing what’s coming*

Cashier: You have a beautiful smile.

Me: Thank you.

Cashier: What’s your name?

Me: *starts laughing and walks out the door*

Conversation #3:

Mikayla: Where are you going?

Me: The tanning bed.

Mikayla: Where?

Me: The tanning bed.

Mikayla: The panty bed?

Me: ………yes.

How do you explain to an 8-year-old who was born with gorgeous dark skin that us white girls have to soak up the sun in odd ways sometimes? In my case, anytime I’m in a wedding. (So every 2 years. :-P)

Conversation #4:

*Mom and I are reading an article on insomnia in the waiting room at my back doctor appointment*

Mom: It says to put a towel over your clock or to turn it so you can’t see the numbers.

Me: But then I can’t see what time it is.

Mom: I think that’s the point. They say seeing the time increases your stress and makes it harder to fall asleep.

Me: No, because then I’m laying there wondering what time it is because I know I’m supposed to be asleep. Let’s see what else it says. Oh, exercise between 5 and 7 at night.

Mom: But that’s when I’m tired.

Me: Next.

Mom: Don’t drink de-caf. Well, I don’t. Next.

Me: I don’t think they have anything useful in here.

Mom: And I think we’re starting to annoy the other patients.

Me: Maybe we should just take a nap.

Mom: Good idea.

Listening: ‘Feeling Good’ by Michael Buble (For those of you on Facebook, that’s what my status was about yesterday.)

Reading: ‘Everybody Poops’ by Taro Gomi (What? There is much wisdom and truth in that little book. 😉 )

Thinking: For a Tuesday’s child, I am sure lacking grace. (I ran into a wall last night.)

How to Annoy Me: Discontinue my favorite dessert at your restaurant. (Grrr……down with Friday’s!)

How to Charm Me: Choose not to look at me like I’m completely insane when I tell you that I almost walked out the door without shoes (again), found my keys in the trash, and can’t remember what I did with my glasses, oh they’re on my face.

Quote for the Day: I have nothing to declare except my genius. – Oscar Wilde (*That’s* what we should have told the boarder guards!)

Upon re-reading this post, I realize that I sound like a complete loon. I suppose it’s time you all knew the truth. Happy reading! 😀

Listening: to the thunder and rain outside my bedroom. (I love thunderstorms!)

Reading: Nuvo (since I don’t write for INtake anymore, I don’t feel disloyal reading the competition.)

Thinking: Thank God I got that bodice pattern figured out.

How to Annoy Me: Point out the obvious without acknowledging that you’re pointing out the obvious.

How to Charm Me: Send opal earrings with the pretty white shawl you’re giving me.

Quote for the Day: I know God won’t give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much. – Mother Teresa

Mom, me and Mikayla on Easter

Listening: ‘It’s Alright, Baby’ by Komeda

Reading: My self-defense notebook

Thinking: This better be worth getting my ass kicked every week.

How to Annoy Me: Tell me it’s going to be 50 degrees, only for me to walk outside and find it snowing. Stupid weathermen.

How to Charm Me: Tell me the reason you’re “picking” on me in class is because you know I can take it and it won’t phase me.*

Quote for the Day: The physical language of the body is so much more powerful than words. – Bill Irwin

* I’m one of the feisty, tough ones in my class. Bet you couldn’t guess that. *angelic smile*

Listening: ‘In Her Eyes’ by Josh Groban

Reading: ‘A Hidden Wholeness’ by Parker Palmer

Thinking: I’d marry Josh Groban if he sang to me all the time.

How to Annoy Me: Tell me I’m going to be married within the next 4 years.

How to Charm Me: Give me a Farside comic and write “Why Lauren doesn’t date” next to it. 🙂

Quote for the Day: Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise, Christ in the heart of everyone who speaks of me, Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me. – St. Patrick’s Breastplate