Now that I have your attention (and all the people who were trying to google the Buffy episode), here are some conversations with living people.

Conversation #1:

Instructor: If you look people in the eye and acknowledge their presence, it shows that you are confident and not off in your own little world.

Classmate: But sometimes guys think that means you like them and then they try to ask you out.

Instructor: That’s not your problem. You were just being friendly.

Later that night, conversation #2:

Cashier: *hands me my stuff*

Me: *looks cashier in the eye, smiles* Have a good night.

Cashier: You too.

Me: *walks to the door*

Cashier: Oh, by the way…..

Me: *cringes and turns toward him, already knowing what’s coming*

Cashier: You have a beautiful smile.

Me: Thank you.

Cashier: What’s your name?

Me: *starts laughing and walks out the door*

Conversation #3:

Mikayla: Where are you going?

Me: The tanning bed.

Mikayla: Where?

Me: The tanning bed.

Mikayla: The panty bed?

Me: ………yes.

How do you explain to an 8-year-old who was born with gorgeous dark skin that us white girls have to soak up the sun in odd ways sometimes? In my case, anytime I’m in a wedding. (So every 2 years. :-P)

Conversation #4:

*Mom and I are reading an article on insomnia in the waiting room at my back doctor appointment*

Mom: It says to put a towel over your clock or to turn it so you can’t see the numbers.

Me: But then I can’t see what time it is.

Mom: I think that’s the point. They say seeing the time increases your stress and makes it harder to fall asleep.

Me: No, because then I’m laying there wondering what time it is because I know I’m supposed to be asleep. Let’s see what else it says. Oh, exercise between 5 and 7 at night.

Mom: But that’s when I’m tired.

Me: Next.

Mom: Don’t drink de-caf. Well, I don’t. Next.

Me: I don’t think they have anything useful in here.

Mom: And I think we’re starting to annoy the other patients.

Me: Maybe we should just take a nap.

Mom: Good idea.