So tomorrow in my self-defense class, we will be learning how to fight once your attacker has you on the ground. (This is assuming all of our awesome moves that we’ve learned up to now haven’t turned him into a quivering pile of lime jello.) Needless to say, I am not looking forward to this. Two weeks ago when one of the other girls and I were somewhat injured and we were talking with the instructors afterward, she was asking about what you do when you’re wrestling with your friends/boyfriend/whoever and they straddle you over your hips and pin your wrists down. One of the instructors showed her what to do and I almost had a conniption watching it.

Will it be good to know how to get out of these situations? Yes. Will it give me more confidence for the future? I certainly hope so. But for all that to take place, I have to get through tomorrow. Without panicking. Without flashbacks. Without reflexively freezing and crying and begging him to stop.

This is gonna suck.