This ongoing saga of my family and our tendency to rack up huge fines on our library cards is getting ridiculous. And the libraries insistence on trying to collect the money is even more ridiculous.

I can never move out of my parents house and get my own library card unless I assume a new identity. One that does not have an $80 fine attached to it. Might I add that at least half of that fine is TOTALLY NOT MY FAULT! My library card freedom is being held hostage by the other half of the fine holder who refuses to pay his or her half!

They sent my brother a collection notice for his fine. And his fine is something measly like $25. I don’t know why they haven’t come after me, She-Who-Refuses-To-Pay-Her-Huge-Fine!

So instead of paying, we have been using my mother’s library card. The library frowns on this and I have been admonished more than once for not being the actual card owner! At least when my mom broke her foot, I had a valid sob story. “My mother broke her foot and IS BARELY ALIVE, you heartless book nazis! She NEEDS her library movies and books!”

Okay, not really. I don’t tend to have much trouble, what with my being the same gender as my mother. My brother, on the other hand, tends to run into problems. Like when we were at IHOP and had her credit card and the cashier looked at my brother and said “How do you pronounce that?” and he said “Kimberlee.” I told him he should have said they made a mistake and it was supposed to read “Kimber Lee”. But I digress.

So today my mother walks into my room and announces that we are back to be a one library card family. We had been able to use my sister’s for many months but our mother, the keeper of the cards and the accounts, was gone this weekend. Four days later, we have a $40 fine on Mikayla’s card. And it’s all because of Thomas the Tank Engine!

Mom: I can’t wait until we’re in the library and she decides she wants to use *her* card and I have to say “No, you can’t, we lost it.”

Me: Because we aren’t above lying to the eight year old.

Mom: And then when the librarian says “Oh, we can get you a new one”, I’ll have to say “No, that’s okay. She’s not responsible enough yet.”

Me: And by that you will mean “The adults in her life aren’t responsible enough.”

I can’t wait to read the collection notice they’re going to send to an eight year old.

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