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1. Do you often feel used by the person? (Yes)

2. Have you often felt that he or she doesn’t care about you? (At times)

3. Does he or she lie and deceive you? (Yes)

4. Does he or she tend to make contradictory statements? (Yes)

5. Does he or she tend to take from you and not give much back? (This person gave but usually it benefited them as well)

6. Does he or she often appeal to pity? Does he or she try to make you feel sorry for him or her? (Yes)

7. Does he or she try to make you feel guilty? (Anytime I wasn’t doing what this person wanted me to do)

8. Do you sometimes feel he or she is taking advantage of your good nature? (Yes)

9. Does he or she seem easily bored or need constant stimulation? (Always had to be doing what they wanted to do. Everyone else was boring and mindless.)

10. Does he or she use a lot of flattery? Does he interact with you in a way that makes you feel flattered even if he says nothing overtly complimentary? (Oh yeah)

11. Does he or she make you feel worried? (Worried about my mental health, worried that I’m being a bad person or bad friend, worried that I’m going to hurt them, etc.)

12. Does he or she give you the impression you owe him or her? (All the time!)

13. Does he or she chronically fail to take responsibility for harming others? Does he or she blame everyone and everything but themselves? (Quite often, yes)

How to deal with common everyday sociopaths

If someone in your life has you answering yes to a lot of those questions, run like hell! You cannot help this person by sticking around. You will only hurt yourself and quite possibly other people. And if you see someone else getting snared in their trap, warn that person. It doesn’t mean they’ll listen but at least you will have done your part.

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1. A friend who takes your side and has the guts to tell you when you’re wrong.
2. One item of clothing that instantly makes you feel twice as beautiful and half as nervous.
3. The occasional good cry, for no particular reason.
4. A man who just cannot get enough of your body.
5. At least as much pay as the guy at the next desk who does the same job.
6. A same-size friend with an incredible closet.
7. A really hot, really fast red car. Failing that, really hot red shoes you can run in.
8. The expensive toilet paper.
9. To sometimes lie back and take, take, take in bed.
10. A grandparent equivalent: wise, huggable, all ears.
11. A life in which you play the starring role.

Things I Have Found 🙂

My keys. My cell phone. My shoes. My school books. My coffee mug. My teddy bear. My faith. My choir music. My driver’s license. My car. My hope. My good black bra. My ability to trust. My glove. My friends. My extra long sheets. My chapstick. My heart. My self-respect. My confidence. My copy of Hollywood Reviews. My way. My ballet slippers. My dreams. My glasses. My favorite blanket. My bathing suit top. My paycheck. My balance. My Hello Kitty lipstick case.

My inner strength.

…I give you ‘A Thank You Note to Men’ by Mary-Louise Parker.

To you, whom it may concern:

Manly creature, who smells good even when you don’t, you wake up too slowly, with fuzzy, vertical hair and a slightly lost look on your face as though you are seven or seventy-five; you can fix my front door, my sink, and open most jars; you, who lose a cuff link and have to settle for a safety pin, you have promised to slay unfortunate interlopers and dragons with your Phillips head or Montblanc; to you, because you will notice a woman with a healthy chunk of years or pounds on her and let out a wolf whistle under your breath and mean it; because you think either rug will be fine, really it will; you seem to walk down the street a little taller than me, a little more aware but with a purpose still; to you who codifies, conjugates, slams a puck, baits a hook, builds a decent cabinet or the perfect sandwich; you who gives a twenty to the kids selling Hershey’s bars and waits at baggage claim for three hours in your flannel shirt; you, sir, you take my order, my pulse, my bullshit; you who soaps me in the shower, soaks with me in the tub; to you, boy grown-up, the gentleman, soldier, professor, or caveman, the fancy man with initials on your towels and salt on your chocolates, to you and to that guy at the concession stand; thank you for the tour of the vineyard, the fire station, the sound booth, thank you for the kaleidoscope, the Horsehead Nebula, the painting, the truth; to you who carries me across the parking lot, up the stairs, to the ER, to roll-away or rice mat; to you who shows up every so often only to confuse and torment, and you who stays in orbit, always, to my left and steady, you stood up for me, I won’t forget that; to you, the one who can’t figure it out and never will, and you who lost the remote, the dog, or your way altogether; to you, wizard, you sang in my ear and brought me back from the dead, you tell me things, make me shiver; to the ones who destroyed me, even if for a minute, and to the ones who grew me, consumed me, gave me my heart back times ten; to most everything that deserves to call itself a man: How I do love thee, with your skill to light fires that keep me warm, light me up.

Found at: The Perils of Sobriety

I feel extremely unstable these days. My emotions are all over the place. Everything annoys me. Everything makes me want to cry. I go from laughing to complete depression. It is all I can do not to tell irritating customers what I really think. It is all I can do not to slam on my breaks when someone is following too closely. It is all I can do not to cry when someone sounds even a little short with me.

I just want to scream until all the pain inside of me is out in cosmos. I want to run until I can’t move. I want to hide away from the world and not deal with everything falling down around me. I want to have a normal, loving relationship with my father. I want my baby sister to stay here. I want to figure out what the hell it is I want to be when I grow up. I want to be in a job that doesn’t drive me crazy. I want to be in a job that doesn’t hurt my back. I want to be in love with someone who my friends love and who loves my friends. I want to be in love with someone who is everything I need and I am everything they need. I don’t want to be in love at all.

I’m sick of feeling. I’m sick of hurting. I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of all of it.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. I love to dance.

2. I have no pouting abilities. I get nothing but mocked when I try to pout.

3. I have over 100 books waiting to be read.

4. I have Seasonal Affect Disorder.

5. I love butterflies.

6. I used to collect teddy bears.

7. I love my church and all the quirky, crazy people who attend. 🙂

8. I would rather clean houses and pet-sit than have a regular job.

9. My goal is to graduate college before I turn 30.

10. I love fuzzy socks.

11. I love folding laundry but hate the actual washing/drying part.

12. One of my favorite authors is N. T. Wright.

13. I didn’t kiss anyone until last year.

14. Gilmore Girls is one of my all-time favorite shows.

15. I love taking and looking at pictures.

16. Old black and white romantic comedies are some of my favorite movies.

(16 people tagged on Facebook.)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

enough money within her control to move out

and rent a place of her own,

even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

something perfect to wear if the employer,

or date of her dreams

wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to

retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

one friend who always makes her laugh

and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a good piece of furniture

not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,

and a recipe for a meal,

that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

a feeling of

control over her destiny..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

how to quit a job,

break up with a lover,

and confront a friend

without;

ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK

AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

that she can’t change the length of her calves,

the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

that her childhood may not have been perfect…

but it’s over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t

do for love or more..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW….

how to live alone…

even if she doesn’t like it..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

whom she can trust,

whom she can’t,

and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…

be it to her best friend’s kitchen table..

or

a charming Inn in the woods….
when her soul needs

soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…

a month…and a year…

Pamela Redmond Satran

Most days I am strong. Most days I can take care of myself. Most days I have on my big girl panties and I don’t let things rattle me too badly. Most days I say “I don’t need a man!” and I mean it. Most days I dare someone to mess with me. Most days I am a fighter. Most days I’m a survivor. Most days I’ve been through Hell and lived to tell about it.

Today, I need someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me that it’s going to be okay. I need someone to tell me they love me, unconditionally, regardless of what I weigh, if I vote, or what I believe about God. I need someone who supports me and wants me to succeed for reasons other than bragging rights or so I’ll have money. I need someone who will take me away and hide me until I’m ready to fight again. I need someone who will make me feel safe. I need someone who won’t make me want to cry or feel like my heart is breaking. I need someone who sees me as I am and still loves me.

Today, I need a hero.

Or an ENFP, depending on my mood. 😀 This thing is actually rather accurate.

Living

INFP children often create their own fantasy world and live very much within it. They may daydream about what is important to them, and sometimes others wonder if they are in touch with reality. They often get lost in their thoughts and books, and may develop a special ability in communicating, such as writing. They are somewhat reserved, especially in new situations.

INFPs decide early on what is important for them, what is of value. They tend to rely on themselves for direction and are reticent to ask others for help. They would rather do things themselves, to make sure they are done properly. INFPs have found this to be both a strength and a curse. Depending only on themselves and being careful not to show mistakes to others is important. As teens, INFPs may have a bit of a rebellious streak. They may argue with those who hold different values than they do. They are also likely to have a small, close set of friends with whom they share good times. In the comfort of those close relationships, they can relax and are often quite entertaining, since they see the world in a different and special way. Their sense of humour is readily apparent. However, unless an INFP finds an appreciation for his or her uniqueness and personal values, he or she may feel like an odd person out.

When they set their minds on things, INFPs are not likely to give up easily, yet because of their outward gentleness, they do not show their determination. They may not take a direct path, but somehow they reach their dreams.

As young adults, INFPs may have some difficulty finding the ideal career and the ideal mate, in part because of that very word ‘ideal’. They have a vision in mind of what they want, yet reality may not follow suit. They may make several starts and stops in their career until they find a comfortable place for themselves. INFPs have a need for perfection in connection with their personal values. They become frustrated with those who dwell on trivialities.

INFPs need a purpose beyond the paycheck. They become burned out easily if their job does not fit their value system; they may not feel good enough about what they have achieved and, as a result, may undervalue themselves and their contributions.

In retirement, INFPs need to look back and feel that they have led a worthwhile life that has made a difference. They want time for a variety of activities, including travel. They may also be very attached to their family and enjoy special visits with them.

Learning

INFPs learn best in flexible situations where they know the teacher takes a personal interest in them. They like to be able to interact with their peers, but not too much so. They want to feel free to dig into subjects that are of interest to them. Having both flexibility and creativity rewarded is encouraging to them. While they may not enjoy deadlines, if they value the assignment, they will meet those deadlines. Deadlines may force INFPs to decide that their work is ‘good enough’ to turn in.

Subjects that hold a great deal of interest for them are learned readily. They will often do extra work in their attempt to learn as much as possible about something of interest. They often read assignments carefully and then work their creativity into the given framework of the assignment. Thus it may appear that they did not pay careful attention to the details of the assignment in their reinterpretation. It is best if they have teachers who appreciate their unique approach and who do not hold them to the letter of the law.

Working

At work, INFPs contribute their creativity, their value system, and their ability to work with others. They are able to see the larger picture and how specific programs fit in. They do not dwell on the trivialities or the details. Their job must be fun, although not raucous, and it must be meaningful to them. They need a strong purpose in their work. They want to be recognized and valued, without having undue attention given to them. They may become embarrassed when make the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time.

INFPs like to work with cooperative people committed to the same values that they are. They can become bothered when they see others working at cross purposes, especially when conflict is overt. They do not like competition or bureaucracy. They need privacy. Calm and quiet appeal to them, as does time and space for reflection. People usually like working with INFPs even though they may not know them well.

INFPs are quite disorganized. But when tasks at hand are important and best done in an organized way, INFPs strive to do so. Practicality is not a driving force for INFPs. Things that traditionally belong together may not be placed together because the INFP does not see it as necessary. They have trouble finishing what they start because of their perfectionist nature. When they do finish a project, they may not consider it done ‘for good.’ Projects can always be improved upon, revised, and reworked, and therefore INFPs find it hard to bring tasks to closure. Because they are able to visualize the finished product long before it is done, the actual completion is of less importance.

INFPs prefer occupations in which they can be involved in making the world better. Having their heart in their work is important to them. These occupations also allow for an element of creativity and flexibility. An INFP is particularly inclined to become a counselor, editor, education consultant, English teacher, fine arts teacher, journalist, psychologist, religious educator, social scientist, social worker, teacher, writer, and other occupations that engage their values.

Leading

The INFP leadership style is subtle, gentle, indirect, and inclusive of others. INFPs do not confront people head-on, but rather work with them and through them to get the job done. Their style is not an aggressive one but is highly persistent; only reluctantly do INFPs assume leadership roles.

They lead with their values in mind, and these guide them. They prefer not to take a hands-on approach with others but to allow them to achieve in independent ways. They are facilitative rather than directive. They encourage others by appreciation and praise. Critiquing others does not come easily to them.

INFPs seldom confront situations directly, in part because they do not like conflict. Whenever possible, they would rather wait for a situation to work itself out, since they trust that people will work things through. They do not like following all the rules and regulations, but they are not overtly rebellious. They seek to get things done in their own style.

Leisure

Leisure activities are very important to INFPs, but at times it is difficult for them to separate work from play. When a new leisure pursuit is found, INFPs typically do a great deal of research. They may read many books and make several phone calls to dig for information.

Many of the INFPs’ leisure activities are done alone — reading, listening to music, and gardening are some activities likely to appeal to them. Reflection time and the opportunity to make sure things are right are important. INFPs often enjoy leisure pursuits with loved ones as well. When they want to be sociable, they can be exceedingly charming and outgoing. Their flexibility, gentleness, and sense of humour can make them quite popular in social situations.

Loving

For the INFP, love is a very deep commitment, and one that is not easily attained. They have ideals, and therefore reality may be carefully scrutinized.

With their ideal firmly envisioned, the first date with that special person is carefully planned and prepared for, and often every aesthetic thing is taken care of. The flowers are in place, the right wine is ordered, and the proper meal is prepared.

INFPs may have difficulty sharing their feelings about others. They keep so many of those feelings inside that they may forget to tell their partner how much they love and appreciate them. They also need reminders of their partner’s love.

When things go wrong in a relationship, the INFP takes it to heart but does not readily discuss it with others. They may not be willing to communicate to let others know how they are feeling. When scorned, they are very hurt and may overreact in an almost maudlin way.

Haven’t done one of these for a long time. Some random thoughts floating in my tired brain:

There are some people who truly make me sad. Not in a “they hurt me” way but in a “what a pathetic existence” way. There is more to life, people.

Have you ever tried to pray for people whom you would rather forget exist? It’s kinda hard.

No, really. Being married sounds like a good idea maybe 2 or 3 days out of every month. The rest of the time? Please spare me!

I think I’m going to write a book: ‘The Dwelling Place is not: Emergent, Universalist, New Age-y, A Cult, or any other wacky label you want to give us to convince people not to visit’

I swear demons possess people when they get around food.

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I ever saw you again. Part of me thinks I would turn the other cheek. But the other part of me knows I have a mouth.

It’s not going to be symmetrical, no matter what I do. I need to leave it alone.

It’s a good thing Jesus spent so much time talking about those damned homosexuals and not very much about gossip. Otherwise what would you people do all day?

*sigh* “Don’t hold grudges against other churches – God loves those churches almost as much as He loves yours.” Thanks Don.

Does trying to follow Jesus ever make anyone else feel bi-polar?

Sometimes I hate my mature side. The times when I just want to have a fit or blog at someone or get into an “internet fight”, my inner adult says “Yeah, but you’ll regret it later.” Damn.

It’s odd, the things that trigger bad memories.

I can’t believe the power didn’t get knocked out. Again.

“You realize this constitutes hugging, right?” “Shut up. I’m your person.”

I think my alarm clock is cursed. Maybe Hello Kitty is evil after all.

How did I end up as treasurer again?

“Please, no one have back problems or get sick or get pregnant…” Well, I can’t promise no back problems because I have scoliosis, and I seem to catch everything. But I can assure you I won’t be getting pregnant.

Flickr Photos

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