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Schrodinger’s Rapist: Or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced

“…a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

To the man who makes me laugh everyday. Who tries to keep up when I’m on one of my crazy tangents. Who not only tolerates but encourages my love of Hello Kitty. Who doesn’t look at me like I’m insane when he gets home and his entire house is turned upside down. Who doesn’t make me feel stupid for not knowing computer stuff. Who is helping me learn to cook. Who faithfully comes to my dances and brings me flowers. Who lets me read to him. Who cuddles with me while we watch movies. Who gives me kitty therapy whenever I need it. Who sends me flair to make me smile. Who dared me to go out with him and was surprised when I said “yes”.

Thank you.

To the man who writes me cards just because. Who put me in charge of our eating out budget, despite my problems with numbers. Who helped me with math and didn’t make me feel like a complete idiot. Who was proud to take me home to his family. Who indulges my book addiction and is content to stay in the bookstore for hours. Who saved Thin Mints for me because I tweeted that mine were gone. Who writes me notes on his business cards and leaves them for me to find in my purse. Who encourages me in my efforts to become more disciplined. Who works out with me so I don’t get bored and quit. Who can make me feel beautiful with just a look. Who doesn’t mock my dreams but dreams with me.

Thank you.

To the man who holds me when I cry. Who has stayed through every crazy scenario I have thrown at him. Who always strives to be better because he believes it’s what I deserve. Who appreciates the little things I do for him. Who holds the car door open for me. Who works to make his house more person-with-allergies friendly. Who brought me Sprite on Thanksgiving when I was sick. Who took a nap with me in the park. Who helps me with my business and made me a beautiful website. Who makes me feel secure about things that other people made me insecure about. Who is proud of me and tells me so. Who makes me want to be a better woman because it is what he deserves.

Thank you.

To the man who has stuck by me and is attending another church because I asked him to. Who does the right thing even when it is hard. Who doesn’t lose faith even when things look hopeless. Who is my constant cheerleader and lets me be his. Who danced with me at the ball. Who has eyes only for me. Who doesn’t harp on my faults but believes I can do better. Who sees Jesus in me. Who I see Jesus in. Who cares about other people, even when they hurt him. Who believes what I tell him, even though he has every reason not to. Who loves me unconditionally. Who believes I can fly. Who will fly right alongside me. Who I love more than I can truly express.

Thank you, Shane.

With all my heart,

Me

…I give you ‘A Thank You Note to Men’ by Mary-Louise Parker.

To you, whom it may concern:

Manly creature, who smells good even when you don’t, you wake up too slowly, with fuzzy, vertical hair and a slightly lost look on your face as though you are seven or seventy-five; you can fix my front door, my sink, and open most jars; you, who lose a cuff link and have to settle for a safety pin, you have promised to slay unfortunate interlopers and dragons with your Phillips head or Montblanc; to you, because you will notice a woman with a healthy chunk of years or pounds on her and let out a wolf whistle under your breath and mean it; because you think either rug will be fine, really it will; you seem to walk down the street a little taller than me, a little more aware but with a purpose still; to you who codifies, conjugates, slams a puck, baits a hook, builds a decent cabinet or the perfect sandwich; you who gives a twenty to the kids selling Hershey’s bars and waits at baggage claim for three hours in your flannel shirt; you, sir, you take my order, my pulse, my bullshit; you who soaps me in the shower, soaks with me in the tub; to you, boy grown-up, the gentleman, soldier, professor, or caveman, the fancy man with initials on your towels and salt on your chocolates, to you and to that guy at the concession stand; thank you for the tour of the vineyard, the fire station, the sound booth, thank you for the kaleidoscope, the Horsehead Nebula, the painting, the truth; to you who carries me across the parking lot, up the stairs, to the ER, to roll-away or rice mat; to you who shows up every so often only to confuse and torment, and you who stays in orbit, always, to my left and steady, you stood up for me, I won’t forget that; to you, the one who can’t figure it out and never will, and you who lost the remote, the dog, or your way altogether; to you, wizard, you sang in my ear and brought me back from the dead, you tell me things, make me shiver; to the ones who destroyed me, even if for a minute, and to the ones who grew me, consumed me, gave me my heart back times ten; to most everything that deserves to call itself a man: How I do love thee, with your skill to light fires that keep me warm, light me up.

Found at: The Perils of Sobriety

Listening: ‘Galway Girl’ by Steve Earle

Reading: ‘You Can’t Change the World’

Thinking: Thank you, Jesus.

How to Annoy Me: Give any of them information with which to further stalk me. You’re not helpful!

How to Charm Me: Help me get a gift to a friend. 🙂

Quote of the Day: Contrary to popular opinion, women are not so sentimental as men, but are much more hardheaded. – Taylor Caldwell

Found this on a friend’s blog and though it is for Xanga’s Beauty contest, I thought it was funny.

  1. Define your love life in one word. Non-existent. Thank God.
  2. In relationships, what are the things that reach “deal breaker” status? Meaning, what traits make your significant other unacceptable? Lying. Abusive tendencies (physical, emotional, sexual, whatever). Bad temper. Irresponsible with money and jobs.
  3. What makes you a good catch? Oh dear, not sure I want to answer this. I’m smart and can hold my own in a conversation about most things. (Of course, for some men, this is a downside. “If you can navigate yourself around a tree, keep walking!”) I’m pretty. (And humble too!) I’m independent and have my own interests that don’t revolve around boys, boys, boys. I’m a hard worker and don’t expect men to pay my way through life. If you’re a Christian, I have what most would consider a strong and growing faith.
  4. If you had to choose one, would you date someone of higher or lower intelligence than yourself? And why? Higher. I want someone who can challenge me.
  5. Describe your perfect mate. Nope. I don’t need stalkers trying to live up to some list. You’ll know if I ever find him.
  6. Do you believe in complete honesty in a relationship, including giving up the number of partners you have been with? Why or why not? It depends on the person. Some people I know I can be brutally honest with and it won’t crush them. Others are more…delicate. But as a general rule, I believe in honesty.
  7. What are your career aspirations? If you could have any job regardless of money/location/schooling what would it be? A writer, actress, or dancer.
  8. Where does your screen name come from, and if you could change it at all, what would you change it to? Little Corner of My World is a song. I needed a change from Sunshine2316 and had been listening to that song. Thrilling story, I know. My screen name other places is Athlete of God. “Dancers are the athletes of God.” – Albert Einstein
  9. Scenario: You have committed some kind of abhorrent relationship sin. You never intend on doing it again. Is it better to withhold the information and save the relationship, or to be honest with your significant other and hope you stay together? Why do you feel your answer is best? Depends on what it was and who I’m with. But again, I’m usually Miss Honesty.
  10. What is it that you think women really want? Hehe, I’m a woman but I’m leaving it. Women have no idea what they want.
  11. What are your shaving/grooming practices and what is your ideal grooming practices for your partner? Ha! I shave my legs only when I absolutely have to! 😛 Okay, not quite. Showering is definitely a good thing. On a regular basis.
  12. Are the lights on or off and why? Uh, soft lighting. I don’t need my flaws made glaringly obvious but I’d also want to be able to see him.
  13. What is your idea of the perfect date? One where both of us have a great time and connect. (Again, I refuse to give anyone more ammunition.)
  14. What physical/emotional traits attract you to a man? Body traits and emotional traits, we insist on knowing both. Eyes and smile. A “dancers” body helps. 🙂 As for emotional, patient, intelligent, kind but has an “edge”, makes me laugh so hard tears run down my cheeks. And that’s all you’re getting.

Listening: ‘Sway’ by Michael Buble

Reading: 10 Ways to Get A Guy to Ask You Out (Amen to #1! I take issue with #6 to some extent but that’s for another blog.)

Thinking: “The last time I freaked out, I just kept looking down, I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I’m thinking ’bout. Felt like I couldn’t breathe, you asked what’s wrong with me, my best friend Lesley said “Oh, she’s just being Miley.” The next time we hang out, I will redeem myself. My heart can’t rest til then, oh-woah-woah, I can’t wait to see you again.” (It’s stuck in my head! Shoot me!)

How to Annoy Me: Buy a frappachino for YOUR 8-YEAR-OLD! THERE IS ESPRESSO IN THAT!

How to Charm Me: Sing stupid songs to try to get Miley Cyrus out of my head and make me laugh so hard I start crying.

Quote of the Day: When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself. – Wayne Dyer

Watching: “Men have the ability to think about nothing and still breathe” (Thanks Seth!)

Reading: What Do Jerks and Shoes Have in Common?

Feeling Guilty: For putting “porn” as one of my tags, *knowing* that it would get people to click on it. (Don’t mind the maniacal cackling. I have no idea where it’s coming from. 😉 )

Thinking: I really don’t want to change that light bulb. I just did, like, 6 months ago.

How to Annoy Me: Give me that disbelieving look when I tell you I’m going to read your book now that I have time to breathe.

How to Charm Me: Promise me that you will always tell me the truth. Even though you already do, you understand that today, I need that reassurance.

Quote for the Day: As you sojourn through life, forgive. No matter what has been done to you, said about you, or how painful it may be. In the end you will feel the warmth of the tapestry of love you’ve created. – Juan L. Christian

An “online friend” posted this on his blog and it had me giggling. Here are my responses to the author’s 11 “secrets”.

#1. Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day – but it doesn’t mean we want to leave you.

Okay, aside from the lust part (the Bible says it is wrong to lust after a woman (or a man) with your eyes), I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this. “Were you looking at her?” “Yes.” If she was that pretty, I probably was too. It doesn’t mean that your guy is a pig or that he wants to be with her. It means she’s pretty and he has eyes. *You* have to be the one confident enough to know that if he does go after her, he didn’t deserve you in the first place. (See #9 and #10 on my Girls vs. Women list and #12 on Jon’s Boys vs. Men list.) And guys, vice versa. If a girl leaves you for a “hotter” guy, she didn’t deserve you.

#2. We actually do play golf to get away from you.

Good! Go! You know why we have girls nights? To get away from you. You know why we go to Starbucks to read? To get away from you. It’s not that you don’t love us and we don’t love you, it’s that we’re human. I get sick of my best friends when I see them too much. (Love you all! 🙂 ) Breaks are good. Breaks are necessary. If I was dating, there would be days I wouldn’t want to see you, talk to you, or think about you. Because I have a life and I’d expect you to have one as well. Otherwise I feel smothered.
#3. We’re unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we’ve made one to you.

Uh…….yeah. One person for the rest of my life? That’s a tad unnerving. Promising to love, honor, and cherish til death do you part? Sounds tough to me. Commitment is hard and messy and I certainly understand not wanting to make one. The only time I will be mad at you is if you are dragging some poor girl (or, ladies, some poor guy) along and she wants a commitment and you aren’t giving her one. Let her move on if that’s the case.

#4. Earning money makes us feel important.

That’s fine. It makes us feel important too. Again, I won’t have a problem unless you are trying to lord it over me or tell me I can’t make/have money of my own. Balance, baby.

#5. Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house.

Then why be such a drama queen and complain about it? You get to do something you enjoy and I get to enjoy it being fixed. Everybody wins. I promise to say thank you every time.

#6. We like it when you mother us, but we’re terrified you’ll become your mother.

Hey, thought terrifies me too. I love my mother but I don’t want to be her. I also don’t want to marry someone like my father.

#7. Every year we love you more.

Now why keep that a secret? (Of course, that does remind me of a joke. “One day a husband told his wife that husbands are like wine and that they get better with age. The next day she locked him in the cellar.” :-D)

#8. We don’t really understand what you’re talking about.

That’s okay. When you’re going on and on about that football play or how this part of the car works or why fart jokes are still funny to you, I don’t understand either. That’s part of any relationship. Learning from one another and doing our best to understand each other. And quite often, it doesn’t matter if you understood or not. Sometimes we just need to vent or to work things out outloud.

#9. We are terrified when you drive.

Right back atcha, babe.

#10. We’ll always wish we were 25 again.

Since I’m not yet past 25, I don’t quite understand this yet. But the way I hear it, everyone wishes they were still 25. Perhaps with the wisdom they’ve gained over the years though. (I do wish my body was 16 again. Dance was so much easier back then.)

#11. Give us an inch and we’ll give you a lifetime.

“I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.

Why? Because she’d let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing — by ourselves — our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.”

Okay, I have heard of women who don’t give their guys any space but really? I’d be shoving him out the door. (See #2 on my Girls vs. Women list.) However, this is with the understanding that I get “me” time as well. If I let him go to Vegas with the guys, that means I get to go to the Bahamas with the girls. If he gets poker night, I get girls night out.

Those were just my thoughts as I read through the article. Take them for what they’re worth.