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Listening: ‘Soulmate’ by Natasha Bedingfield

Reading: ‘Why We Need Nerds’

Thinking: People wonder why I never had interest in this…

How to Annoy Me: Be short with me because someone else is pissing you off.

How to Charm Me: Attempt to defend the cashier from the crabby customer they are dealing with. My hero! 🙂

Quote of the Day: If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew, to serve your turn long after they are gone. And so hold on when there is nothing in you, except the Will which says to them “Hold on!” – an exceprt from ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling (Thanks Steven!)

So apparently my self-defense class is getting to me a little more than I thought. I hate these nightmares and wish that I could figure out what it is that triggers them. It’s usually when I’ve drank some alcohol but not every time. I wasn’t taking self-defense before. Something keeps un-repressing these memories though. *sigh* What to do?

Waking Nightmare – originally written and posted April 30, 2006

I’m not alright
I’m not okay
I lied to you
When you asked today

It was like a bad dream
It was a nightmare
I’m sorry I lied
I know that you care

It was him again
Just like last time
His hands in places
That are only mine

This one was vivid
This one was real
Even now, his tongue
In me I can feel

I hate that he has
This power over me
I want to break away
I want to be free

How can I though?
He haunts in my sleep
Waking and dreaming
These feelings just keep

They keep coming back
I don’t know what to do
Leave me alone!
What have I done to you?!

My grandma passed away today. Her name was Betty Ann David. She loved golf, J.A.G. re-runs and vodka. I wasn’t particularly close to her because she and my grandpa lived in Florida by the time I got old enough to have a real relationship with them. I now have only one set of grandparents. Please pray for my dad, aunt, and uncle because both of their parents are gone now. As far as I know, both my grandma and grandpa were Christians so they are in a better place where disease and old age can’t hurt them anymore.

My darling, thou wilt never know

The grinding agony of woe

That we have borne for thee.

Thus may we consolation tear

E’en from the depth of our despair

And wasting misery.

The nightly anguish thou art spared

When all the crushing truth is bared

To the awakening mind,

When the galled heart is pierced with grief,

Till wildly it implores relief,

But small relief can find.

Nor know’st thou what it is to lie

Looking forth with streaming eye

On life’s lone wilderness.

‘Weary, weary, dark and drear,

How shall I the journey bear,

The burden and distress?’

Then since thou art spared such pain

We will not wish thee here again;

He that lives must mourn.

God help us through our misery

And give us rest and joy with thee

When we reach our bourne!

– Charlotte Bronte

Listening: ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart’ by Sir Elton John and Kiki Dee

Reading: The Brontes: Selected Poems

Thinking: I am too tired and dizzy to go get my ass kicked tonight.

Feeling Guilty: For listening to the Spice Girls and liking it.

How to Annoy Me: Cancel plans with me because the guy (or girl) you like or are dating is suddenly free.
How to Charm Me: Understand that when I say “I hate men”, I don’t (usually) mean it in an “I hope you all rot in Hell” kind of way.

Quote for the Day: There’s no use in weeping, Though we are condemned to part; There’s such a thing as keeping a remembrance in one’s heart. – excerpt from ‘Parting’ by Charlotte Bronte

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